


you are unholy but your touch is holy to me

by Miss_Oswald



Category: Legacies (TV 2018), The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Bad Decisions, Existential Crisis, F/M, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:01:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24298513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Oswald/pseuds/Miss_Oswald
Summary: Kai Parker is evil incarnate.I need my fix.
Relationships: Malachai "Kai" Parker/Original Female Character(s), Malachai "Kai" Parker/You
Kudos: 21





	you are unholy but your touch is holy to me

**Author's Note:**

> Okay.... um... this is a weird one folks. This was less of a fic and more of a therapeutic exercise for me. I have a lot of issues when it comes to sex and Kai Parker makes me want to work on them.

It was because I didn’t know how to have sex. I didn’t know how to lay back and relax, and feel and be genuine. It was always a performance, even when alone in my room. This ever present feeling of being watched because I had been conditioned since birth to be a pretty thing. Something to be seen. Something to be ogled. Something for the consumption of men.

Growing up in a woman’s body was a horror movie.

I am not for myself.

What a terrible prison to be in.

*

I wanted to rip him apart. He had tortured me. He had tempted me. Malachai Parker was my own personal hell. He was a cruel joke, the king of all my naive, ill placed desires. It was if the universe was making fun of me for being who I was. For being a damaged little girl ever seeking a warm comfort to fill up all her holes in all the wrong places with all the wrong people.

He makes me forget myself.

“I want you to heal me!” I scream at him, in the midst of him prying me open. He wiggles his fingers in, grasping my truth by the throat.

He lets out a violent laugh. “Do you know who I am?” He looks manic, his eyes wide in disbelief.

I must have gone crazy. I’ve been stuck in this world with him for years. It feels like a decade ago that I first stumbled upon him, chained to a chair in a karaoke bar with Two Princes playing on a loop, even though I know it hasn’t been nearly that long.

No matter. I was always this girl. I couldn’t blame this world for it. I was a creature, a sewer, a shallow wound.

I look into his cold blue eyes and it’s like looking inside a storm. He is inches from my face. I know he wants to grab me, lay his hands on me. He doesn’t want to be nice.

“I think you’re more fucked up than I am, little girl.” Kai’s jaw clenches and I want to dig my nails into his scruff until blood and flesh come away. I want to ride his face until my cunt gushes and drowns him.

Because I don’t want to be pretty for him. Kai Parker is the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, in all the world’s I’ve been in. But I don’t care if he finds me beautiful.

I am exactly as I am. I am not pretty. I keep it ugly. It’s so easy to do so when I’m around him. I’m so easy. I can scream and breathe and it’s like being cracked open. It’s painful, but it’s a beautiful release.

“Please, Kai.” My skin is on fire. My lungs are smoke. He towers over me like a god.

Something cracks in his face. It’s subtle. He breaks, and for the slightest moment, he looks at me like a scared little boy.

It’s gone by the next time I blink.

(He is my first step towards freedom.)

“How?” He tilts his head.

He disgusts me. He makes me want to be equally disgusting. He’s already in my guts, twisting me inside out. He is the one I curse to when it’s late at night and I’m knuckle deep in my own cunt.

My love and hate for him is infinite.

“Ruin me.”

“I thought I already did,” he remarks, a sly smirk on his playful, angular lips.

My stomach revolts. It spins and twirls like a child ballerina. I grit my teeth.

“Not in the way that matters.” I meet his eyes. Just looking into them makes me want to make the sign of the cross, to protect myself from him. It also makes me want to kneel and confess all my sins.

Kai studies me, like I’m a piece of art he’s trying to decipher. No, not art. Like I’m some strange creature with their ankle caught in a trap, unwilling to get out, even as the wolves descend.

I don’t even blink. He expects me to take it back. He’s waiting for it. Waiting for my crack in sanity to pass.

Unbeknownst to him, I’m still sane. Just also incredibly fucking stupid and reckless. (He might be the only thing holding me together, but I won’t let myself acknowledge that.)

The sociopath clenches his jaw. He narrows his eyes. His lips do that scary, twitchy thing they do when he’s equally amused and pissed off.

Kai finally huffs out a laugh. “You want your piece of rough? You think a fuck by a serial killer will make you feel alive? You want my cock to make the ache in your insides go away?” He pouts at me. “Newsflash, princess. It doesn’t work that way. Trust me, I’ve been fucking myself for years.” Kai brings his dangerous hand up and pets my hair like a concerned parent would to their frightened kid.

It’s like a stab to the gut. I need a fucking fix. I need hands and words and a moment and I need to not think anymore. I’m teetering at the edge of a cliff, at the edge of a blade. I need pain and hate and love and connection.

I need a fucking fix.

I swat his hand away and shove him hard in his chest. He barely stumbles back, his vampire strength only nudged by the surprise of my attack. I raise my hand up to swing. I know I won’t land the hit. My hand only makes it so far before Kai grabs my my wrist.

“Malachai.” I get right up to him. Chest to chest. He looms over me. I resist the urge to shrink back. “Shut your fucking mouth for once and help me.”

“What is wrong with you?” To my surprise, he doesn’t say it meanly. He sounds interested. “I’m not a fucking gentleman.”

“I’m counting on that.”

I want to switch. Trade my apathy for lust. I want to be devoured by the monster and spat back up.

“You don’t want me.”

“Don’t make me beg.”

“Don’t give me the idea.”

I want to be his dog.

I drop to my knees, my eye defiant as I look up at him.

Malachai Parker is a big, strong man. Even without being a vampire and a witch, he would still be a strong man. I beg for him to tear me apart. To wreck me of who I am, to strip me of this mold the world has put on me.

I want him.

I shouldn’t.

But I do.


End file.
